


On Faith

by The_Plaid_Slytherin



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Gen, Never Spoke in Canon, Religion, Season/Series 01, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:06:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Plaid_Slytherin/pseuds/The_Plaid_Slytherin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saul takes some counsel from Elosha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On Faith

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Colonel?" Elosha asked gently. 

Saul's shoulders stiffened. In the aftermath of the Cylons' every-thirty-three-minute attacks and the destruction of the _Olympic Carrier_ , all personnel involved had been instructed to speak to a counselor (except Bill himself, Saul imagined) and Bill had assigned Saul to Elosha. Probably because he knew he was religious, but truthfully, whatever religion Saul needed, he got himself. It had been year since he'd been to temple and he'd never sat down with a priest like this.

"Don't think so," he said. 

He realized he was probably an anomaly among the people she would be talking to over the next several days—he'd lost no one in the attacks, unless you counted an estranged wife. She was probably prepared to deal with grief, not whatever Saul was feeling.

"I know you've fought the Cylons before. How do you feel about them being back?" 

Saul looked down at his hands. He twined his fingers together. Had those hands really been in the first war, loading guns, repairing Vipers? His hands felt wrong somehow, like they weren't his. He looked up at her. "I always thought they'd be back somehow," he said. "Didn't know when or how, but I knew, even then that they were coming back. Spent my whole life in the military… never knew anything else for the most part. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I retired." 

"Did you have plans?"

Saul shrugged. He couldn't very well tell her he'd planned to settle down with Bill, that that was the only thing he mourned, their little apartment they'd been setting up on shore leaves. 

"Read the newspaper," he said. "Watch pyramid. Drink coffee." 

"Those sound like nice relaxing plans."

"I guess." 

"Your patrons are Artemis and Ares, am I correct?" 

He scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"I'm finding Artemis particularly comforting in this time. You're very lucky as a soldier to be protected by these gods." 

Saul scuffed his feet along the floor. The meeting room was very small and he didn't like it. "I don't know about that. My parents chose them."

"Then they chose well, that you didn't adopt a new patron when you came of age." 

"I guess." Saul neglected to mention that he hadn't had a coming of age ceremony; he'd joined the Fleet before it would occur. "My dad was kind of extreme." 

"How so?" 

The hairs on the back of Saul's neck rose. "He was Sons of Ares. Tough, you know? I always went back and forth. When I first got out of the house, I didn't want anything to do with religion. But then in the war…" He shrugged. "I kept coming back to it." 

Elosha nodded. "That's understandable. We crave constancy in a life of upheaval. Do you have a special medal or idol?" 

Saul shook his head. "No. Nothing like that." 

Elosha nodded. "It can just be so difficult in the aftermath of something like this. You've had distress, physical and mental exhaustion. The gods are there to listen to you, if you let them."

"I guess." Saul wasn't absolutely sure they would listen to him. 

"We all need to believe in something bigger than ourselves, Colonel. Isn't that why you and Commander Adama rely on each other sometimes?" 

Saul frowned. "I guess." 

Elosha smiled. "We all know our limits, and we all need to depend on someone. You can depend on Commander Adama. You can also depend on the gods." 

Saul opened his mouth, but she continued. "I've worked as a military religious counselor for a long time, Colonel, and I know that, especially in the higher ranks, it can be hard to find someone to lean on. You may have few places to turn to when you need to feel human." 

"Is that what you think the gods are for?"

She took his hand. "The gods are whoever you need them to be. Would you like to pray?" 

Saul took her other hand and looked down at the table. 

Elosha began. "Lords of Kobol, hear our prayer." 

She paused and Saul realized she expected him to say something. "Please watch over the souls of your sons and daughters," he murmured. There. Something neutral.

Elosha squeezed his hand. "So say we all."

Saul pushed his chair back and stood. "Thanks," he said, running his hand over his head. 

"I'm here anytime you need to talk," she said gently.

"Right, right." Saul's feet were already carrying him to the door. 

**

Saul knew he didn't have time for this, that Elosha had been encouraging Roslin, but there was no one else he could turn to right now.

She seemed surprised when he opened the hatch to the chapel and stepped in. She set down the scrolls she'd been carrying. "Hello, Colonel. I can't say I was expecting to see you here." 

Saul scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, under the circumstances, I wasn't expecting it, but…" 

"You've been under a lot of pressure lately." 

The only thing Saul could do was laugh. "That's a frakking understatement." 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shrugged and sat down. "If you're interested in talking about it with me." 

Elosha put her hand on his shoulder. "Colonel, what happens outside this hatch is what happens outside this hatch. I'm still your priest."

That felt funny to Saul, the idea that she was his priest. He supposed she was, though he'd never had _a priest_ before. He'd simply just shown up at services because he'd been near a temple when he'd felt compelled to go, or on a holiday. He'd never taken counsel before.

"I don't know," he said. "I just keep frakking up." 

"You have hard decisions to make," she said softly. "Plus, you have other worries. Commander Adama."

Saul winced. She'd cut right to it. "Can't stop thinking about it," he muttered. "If he… if anything happened to him, I'd never forgive myself."

"You sound like you think this is your fault."

Saul squirmed. _This_ was why he'd never taken counsel. "I just think I could have done something… Noticed Boomer. Been more alert." 

"You did exactly what you were supposed to. I hear you kept him alive until the medics got there."

"Maybe." Saul laughed. "Gotta say, the idea of you saying that I did exactly what I was supposed to is pretty rich." 

"It's true. We may have different objectives, but that doesn't mean we're not both making the best decisions we can." She smiled. "I have something for you. I'm glad I have the opportunity to give it to you."

Saul wondered if she was planning on going somewhere, but he held his tongue as she went over to a table in the corner and took something out of an ornate box. "I thought of you when I came across this," she said, going back to where he sat. "I believe you were meant to have it." 

Saul held his hand out and she dropped a small Artemis medal on a chain into his palm. Saul stared at it. It reminded him of the one he'd had years ago, that he'd lost in the war. Fuzzy memories clustered at the edge of his consciousness. 

"Thank you," he said, surprised at the way his voice shook. He twisted the chain around his fingers. 

"Shall we pray again?" Elosha asked.

Saul wordlessly held out his hands and she took them.

"Lords of Kobol, hear our prayer," she murmured. 

"Let Bill get better," Saul said. "Let him wake up soon and let me have not frakked up too much by then." 

"And may Artemis watch over her son Saul, and let him have a hand as steady as hers on her bow," Elosha said. 

"So say we all," Saul muttered. He wasn't sure how to react to that. No one had ever prayed for _him_ before and he didn't quite know how to take it. "Thank you."

"I hope that medal can bring you comfort."

Saul nodded, untangling the chain from his fingers and sticking it in his pocket. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Go with the gods, Colonel."

He nodded. "You, too." 

When he closed the hatch behind him, he didn’t think it was odd that she hadn't reminded him to come back any time.


End file.
